Celebrity Deathmatch

Ozzy Osbourne wept.

7_1How can you turn a hilarious 90s claymation parody fight show into an addictive computer game? We can only speculate, since the PC version of Celebrity Deathmatch screws up on such a level that it’s sad. It’s sad because the TV show had all of the potential to become a fun video game. For those whose innocence remains intact, Celebrity Deathmatch pits the famous against one another in heartless, no-rules arena combat which always ends in bloody death. Whether it’s Seinfeld vs Tim Allen or Beavis vs Butthead, it’s all dumb and fun.

I love the show, but it’s hard to find one nice thing to say about this game. The graphics are bad to the point of blurriness. The dialogue is painfully unfunny — as evidenced by the fact that I played matches with every single one of the game’s 16 characters and didn’t laugh once. The jokes are barely even jokes by definition: Busta Rhymes calls female opponents “bitchesâ€; Jerry Springer whines; and Ron Jeremy assaults people with a massive banana. The subtle satire from the TV show is completely AWOL.

Worst of all, this is a fighting game in which the fighting is neither exciting nor funny. The controls are a wreck, whether you’re playing using a keyboard or a gamepad — and even when you master the combos, they do nothing more than trigger the special attacks. If you’re imagining the total freedom that the show’s combatants enjoy, forget it. The only thing on offer here is a heavy dose of pointless frustration.

System Requirements: Pentium II 233 MHz, 32 MB RAM, Win98

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