Captain Quazar

Since giving up the ghost as a console manufacturer and moving into PC software, 3D0 got off to a promising start, but then Captain Quazar happened. Featuring the camp antics of a space hero, this lame outing would have barely passed as a 16-bit console game. The story is simple. Quazar is an inter-planetary space cop charged with cleaning up the criminal and terrorist scum that is bringing a once-happy galaxy to its knees.

2He does this by plodding around nondescript eight-way scrolling levels, blasting away at the sprites that wander into his path with a variety of cartoonish weapons. Before this, however, there is the customary rendered opening sequence to sit through (which, like most, you’ll only ever sit through once) in which the game’s comedic tone is set by an ’80s-style rap number that introduces the Captain and his supposedly funny personality. Then it’s off to each level to wipe out the bad guys, collect the bonuses, uncover the secret bits, and complete the task set to you by the blowhard police commissioner.

A two-player mode has also been added for its own sake, but no amount of options could save this shallow game. Featuring counter-intuitive key commands, depressing attempts at humor, and all kinds of stupid technical bugs, Captain Quazar has got very little to recommend it.

System Requirements: Pentium II 233 MHz, 64 MB RAM, Win98

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